Today, I Ate an Apple Pear

During one of our buying-produce-in-bulk expeditions, my dad and I discovered the apple pear at Costco. Last week’s Costco run produced some particularly interesting fruit, including to but not limited to purple apricots and mini grapes (a.k.a. champagne grapes). Apple pears immediately made the list because they reminded me of fun Skittles flavors and sounded like a marvel of science. With all that talk about the dangers of GMO’s, why apple pears were even on display at Costco added another layer of mystique to this mysterious fruit.

As of five minutes ago, I discovered that apple pears are not some fun hybrid of an apple and pear, but an actual species of pear. Also known as sand pears or Asian pears, this species is taking North America by storm, according to Google result number two.

I had my first apple pear while I was hopping around on the internet on some research expedition. I had high hopes, envisioning the thing to have all the orchard-tasting sweetness of the apple with the porous, watery crunch of pears. However, after a few bites, I decided that it didn’t taste much like anything. It was sweet, and the taste reminded you of something fruit-like (in a natural way [skip the artificial flavor, of course, and I just used double brackets, what is this?]). In the battle between apple and pear, the pear-like qualities dominated, and I don’t like pears. All in all, I was very underwhelmed.

Now, it all makes sense. I was eating a fancy pear when what I really wanted was a honeycrisp apple.

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